Well, my journey of the mentoring has not been so easy as I am still in a turmoil of what should be done. Initially i was very excited and enthusiastic of my new status and responsibility of being a mentor to someone who volunteeringly asked for it. Of course rapport formation takes time but who knew it would be like this. I was preparing myself for all the challenges and uncertainties. me and my mentee met once in a month or even it happened so that one whole month was skipped. Later on I got to know that she didn't understand that we had to meet every week of the month! Strange, yes ,very strange. I thought she was familiar with all the goals and frequency of meeting, still I explained it to her in different manners the importance and the goals of this programme. 

I thought maybe because of our differences she didn't open up to me as I was the one who was doing more of the talking , etc. I tried various ways to get her talking ,which I succeeded rarely! But i never gave up. I tried s hard to understand where i was wrong, what am i missing or not doing in order to fulfill my responsibility as a mentor. I frankly spoke to my mentee and told her that she could say anything to me at any point of time. She always just nodded. 

I spoke with my mentors , Tanvee and Violet, and I was disturbed as I wasn't able to figure out what was happening and where I was lacking. They suggested me with few things and I did so accordingly, but again no results. In fact, I was losing hope in this relationship because whatever I did was in vain. Till now I was thinking that I have some drawbacks in me, but later on I realised that it was my mentee who was not taking this programme seriously. 

Yes, there was a time when I said that I will quit, as everything I do is going in vain.

I couldn't take all that carelessness anymore as I gave my best to this programme. All I could say is that I gained an experience which I never expected of. Also, I am a true believer in the fact that whatever has happened , has happened for my own learning. At least, I am satisfied with my own efforts and hard work.

I am still holding on to some hope that things will change, no matter how tough it gets , I won't give up. But it is also true that at some point, a saturation happens and sometimes giving up is the only option. 

P.S. experience is an experience, no matter what path you choose or is chosen for you!...

The Odyssey

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.”- Steven Spielberg

Youth Connect has by far been one of the most different experiences in my life. I’ve always been fond of getting to know new people, forming friends, but SEWA has provided me with a very unique and different bond of friendship. I think all of us have been mentors at some point in our lives, either for our friends or family, but this particular program has given us the experience of a lifetime- of mentoring a person from a totally different social background, and in this process, forming a very unique relationship!

I’m very fortunate to have Poonam as my mentee, and to have formed a good relationship with her in these past few months. She is really sweet, well mannered and a good-hearted person, and its nice to consider her one of my friends. I have interacted with people from various diverse backgrounds before, but this is the very first time I’ve been part of someone’s life, who is so different from me and vice versa. And I definitely have to thank SEWA for that. In the past few months, I’ve taken on different roles- of a friend, of a listener, of a mentor- all of which overlap. I feel happy in saying that my relationship with Poonam has been stable and that we’ve been compatible from the very beginning, in fact I think it gets better with each meeting! Be it McDonalds, Starbucks, Atta Market (Noida), Akshardham temple, my college fest or her home, we have both got the opportunity to be a part of each other’s life, which definitely helps fulfill one of the goals of this program. It makes us aware of the world beyond ours, of a life very different from ours and I think such an experience is very enriching and fruitful! Visiting her home was definitely a new exposure for me, but at the same time, being at her place was almost like being at any other friend’s. It also felt good to engage with her very welcoming and sweet family members.

It gives lot of satisfaction and happiness to see Poonam enjoy having new experiences, be it trying out a new dish, sitting in an expensive coffee shop, witnessing performances at a college fest, learning how to e-mail or even speaking to me in English, etc. Going to all such places with her makes it quite a new experience for me as well. Also what is great about her is that she is open to all such new experiences! She is eager to learn, to know and to question things. It is exciting to see her come up with topics of discussion and also to listen to her views, opinions, and solutions and not just have her as a passive listener. Poonam has aspirations and wants to do well in her life and I feel this mentoring relationship will be really successful if I’m able to motivate her to give her best in everything, to work hard and achieve what she wants to! I would love to see Poonam get good results in her studies, get her dream job and speak fluent English, few years down the lane.

Another thing I like about her is that she considers me a friend and is also interested in my life, my aspirations and dreams, and at the same time considers me a mentor who is there to help her. I believe this entire program is also helping me grow as a person, through engaging with someone from a completely different social context, seeing different realities and overcoming my inhibitions. This program is also helping me getting to know myself even more!

Last Monday I asked Poonam to type out few lines of her experience till now, on my laptop. Once she wrote, I read it with her, and made few changes in order to help her improve her English skills. However, I didn’t edit it completely so as to retain the feel of her words.

“I have a good experience with Mahima, she is so sweet. I learnt from her how to be confident.  When I first time saw Mahima at metro station I was little afraid as to how can I manage with her, my time, my behaviour and the most important part was my background according to her. But I realized Mahima was like that she does not have any difficulties with me.  She is sweet, pure hearted, beautiful, intelligent.  She taught me how to behave in certain places. How you speak a meaningful statement that another person understands. She also teaches me English language. Mahima also speaks with me in English.

When first time Mahima come in my home her behaviour is very good towards my mom, grandmother, my younger brother & I like this very much. I had spent great time with her. This is my memorable period in my life. When we meet I have an enjoyable time with her.

I am improving my English, confidence level, and how can I speak to another person a meaningful statement this thing I want and Mahima is helping me fulfill my dream. At last again I thank Mahima for such a wonderful experience.”

I wish this 6-month program enriches our lives and leaves behind some wonderful memories and long-lasting results. I’ll feel a sense of contentment and achievement if I’m able to help Poonam and bring a positive change in her life, in whichever way possible. She and I both hope to continue this friendship even long after this program is over!

We have tried to convey the crux of our Youth Connect experience so far, as concisely as possible. Hope you enjoyed reading it!

Thank you.

3 months in, 3 months out

The prospect of meeting a stranger. And befriending her. And making her trust you. And making her belive that you are always there for her. The whole concept is reminiscent of Margaret Walker's words, "Friends and good manners will carry you where money won't go." And precisely this is what we all, as mentors aim to do.
Now, as far as my personal experience is concerned, let me begin by telling you about my mentee. Neha is a really good-natured girl. I would say she is blessed to have her family supporting her, and yet she doesn't think about herself too seriously, which obviously became one of my main objectives to achieve by the end of this program.
We have had spontaneous discussions and thought-provoking conversations on a plethora of topics, ranging from women's security, to
To give you a better picture, let me quote an except from my diary entry after our second meeting:

I realised that something seemingly as trivial as her favourites could get me an idea of her as a person. Of how she deals with things. This was also a meeting whereby we discussed at length about the topics hovering around women, crimes, empowerment. Hence I believe this has been a productive and fruitful discussion. While she narrated her escapades to me, I  too shared some instances of cat calling from my personal experiences and that of my friends. And of course, dealing with it.
I chatted a bit about positive thinking and other traits of characteristics by drawing upon the qualities of her favourite actors. 

Many a times the discussions eliminated any difference we might have and thats what I feel good about.

I tutored her on making an email account, however she seemed a bit too occupied, and troubled at the prospect of visiting a cafe, to be creating one.

I also made an attempt to make this mentorship substantial by introducing an element of "what can I do for you" so as we had been trained I ventured into making a sort of contract. so as she desired I am going to help her speak in English and express herself coherently. Because I remember from my first meeting that she reiterated she is unable to express herself impromptu. Every following meeting shall be an attempt to help her get out of her comfort zone.

I also went ahead and discussed the concept of safespace. As pointed out before she faced a bit of problem in expressing herself but ended up on defining it as a silent place where she can have all the time to herself. Our give and take of ideas, opinions and thoughts continued, and while most of the issues had us in agreement, I really wish she too found the dialogues insightful. 

all in all, I was positive that this ship of mentor-ship can get a rudder and direction.

 Well, three months into the mentorship, and 6 meetings later it certainly was a time to assess ourselves, to give ourselves a reality check. And yes, there have been moments of worry (about her continued interest in the program), and there have been moments of pride, when she did prove she is capable (more about it in some other post), yet in order to achieve some evident, substantial results, there is still a way to go.

THE ACCOLADE

I find it of the utmost privilege to be a part of SEWA youth connect programme, because here I met Sarita, a shy, soft spoken yet very cheerful and enthusiastic girl. My journey with her has been a roller coaster ride, with all kinds of failures and successes. It’s been 3 and a half months now with Sarita, and all that I have gained from her is not less than an accolade.

In the initial month we were just knowing each other, there were inhibitions and to overcome that, I used to talk about family, likes, dislikes, share the important events in my life.....it all started like that and today has grown into a reflecting relationship. Through constant phone calls, determination and trying hard to set up meetings no matter what, engaging with her in every little thing, making her feel that I am there with her, I have tried to put my best for strengthening our relationship and to bring positive changes in both of our lives. I did not notice the drastic change in Sarita before the meeting on 23rd march.

That day her cousin brother came with her. Often when I used to call Sarita he would pick up, talk harshly and gave me all kinds of excuses to not let us communicate, and once he also talked to me in an unpleasant manner asking about the programme and the meetings . I already had an impression about him, so when he came, initially I was very uncomfortable, but then I thought that it was a good way of showing him what this program and meeting is all about. As Sarita and I began with the discussion on the topic for the day, he kept sitting next to Sarita, fiddling with his phone and listening to us. I asked Sarita to write down some points, she was hesitant so I asked her to write in Hindi but her brother interrupted and started snubbing her. She became more hesitant. I had to tell him to take another table in the room and that he was making both of us uncomfortable.

After an hour when the discussion got over and we headed towards the metro station. Her brother started saying that there was no use of the meeting and it was waste of time. I got offended. I asked him why he has such a notion, to which he replied that there is no need for girls to study, they should only take care of the household chores. I got very angry and started bashing him up with my words. I said to him that he being her brother should support her, encourage her to study, to become independent instead of oppressing her. I took it to the larger context and said that because of people like him girls in our country are being devalued. And there it began, I never heard Sarita with that high voice. She complained about her brother freely not being scared of him that he is the one who does not let her go out of the house, about all the wrong things he says to her, and how he suppresses her. That was like a boost for me, having Sarita on my side, understanding what is wrong and speaking up for herself.

Her brother said that after meeting me Sarita had become ill-mannered. When I questioned him about it, he said that now she has started arguing and does not listen to him and goes out of the house. I told him that it’s her life, and he cannot take charge of it, he is not her parent. And then I also told him that he was actually the ill-mannered person because of the way he had talked to me every time I called up Sarita and the way he was talking to me then. I told him that he had no idea how wonderful Sarita is. All this went on for half an hour, and it seemed never ending to me. By the end of it I realised that how insecure this person is, his anxious body movement and changing facial expressions from scowling and snarling to laughing away to avoid and end the conversation, it was impossible to change his views and thoughts because he was acting very ignorant and was not at all accepting or trying to understand. So to turn things into other direction' as response to what he said about the programme and the meetings and also to what he said that he can “teach” her the same things for which she comes for the meetings, I challenged him that he will teach her new things every week, he will have 7 days to do so and so will I in just 1 meeting per week, and I said he can ask Sarita what she learns in that one hour and I will ask what she learns from him.

The sad part about all this was I realised it is not easy to change people’s mind set, it is rooted deep somewhere which involves the whole family, the whole community. I don’t know what her brother must have gained from that interaction but after that meeting all I know is he does not dare to pick my call now. That encounter has actually helped me in removing the biggest obstacle between Sarita and me. The best thing about all was that Sarita stood for herself. And since then I am seeing her growing every day. She speaks up at her home now if she feels things are wrong. She clearly understands that SEWA and I are there with her. For her SEWA is her biggest strength.

I told Sarita about this blog and she too sent a message that she wants to share with all of us. She said that she aims at becoming economically independent in life. She said she wants to do something for her family, her parents specially. She wants to be that important person in the family who can take care of everybody. She has this whole idea of remaining collectivistic yet independent in life.

I got the gift of my honour from Sarita. Now I can see how she is transforming things for herself and for me too. My hopes have gone high now and I am even more determined and focussed towards this programme and with Sarita. I wish that there is no turning point after this and both of us grow and development benefiting from each other successfully.